I’m sat at my computer. I’m looking for songs to use for a slideshow of my favourite Doha photos. The movers arrive in less than 2 weeks. My house is a tip. I haven’t eaten lunch. I have a writing deadline. So obviously sitting at my computer going through songs and photos is the absolute best use of my time.
The to do list
I’m supposed to be packing. There’s piles of stuff everywhere and there are too many rooms that I’ve barely touched. I’m supposed to be emailing the Things’ potential new school and chasing for the results of the dog’s rabies test. We have to sell furniture we aren’t going to have room for when we get there and we need to find someone to buy our cars.
The reality is we don’t yet have school places and quarantine in Singapore is booked up for months so the dog can’t fly with us. We have looked and looked for a place to live and find ourselves coming up short. Our realtor has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the housing market… and the patience of a saint dealing with me, a closet wannabe estate agent.
The list in my head is bewildering and disorientating to say the least and I find myself hoping for a miracle until I realise I don’t know which issue I would solve first if I even had the choice.
Reality is kicking in this week Wanderlusters. We had our leaving party at the weekend and the goodbyes start in earnest tomorrow.
I realised yesterday, like a punch in the stomach, that next weekend will be my last in Doha. The last weekend I will spend living here in over 4 years.
It’s a big milestone.
The end of an era.
I oscillate between obsessive research and planning, panic, excitement, sadness and sheer denial. The range of emotions in a single minute is exhausting. This is the first time in my entire life that I’ve had high blood pressure.
I can’t think how the Things must be feeling but they are showing it by being super emotional and acting out. But how can I blame them? I’m asking them to say goodbye to the only friends they’ve ever really known. Their best friends. It’s simply heartbreaking to watch.
I’m looking around me and I’m starting to get The Fear. You know that feeling when you suddenly realise that time is running out. That all those things you were putting off because they couldn’t be done until the end… they can’t be put off any more. I remember it from school exams and university essay deadlines. We had it at work with deadlines for big projects and even had it before our wedding although at least that was fun lol.
Everything will be ok
In my head I know it doesn’t matter.
The house will get packed. If things end up on the boat that we need or that weren’t supposed to come with us at all then so be it. We will find places in schools for the Things. The dog will get there – be it on our flight or with one of us coming back for him.
It will all get done and it will all be fine.
In the meantime, it’s all enormously stressful and emotional. It’s taking every ounce of strength to hold it together and not be a complete mess for the next few weeks.
I just have to cling on to the hope that everything will all be ok in the end.
If you are moving soon, let me know! I feel your pain …